Torture

Sun 10.45
It's not the being woken up several times during the night which is the problem. It's having to listen to 10-15 min of pretty much nonstop heart-rending piercing Baby crying before she settles down to nurse or go back to sleep. Mariel seems to be 100 times more able than i to deal with this. Yeah, she's tired and all but she told me herself earlier that somehow it's not that hard for her.

Last night it was simply torture for me and i had to leave the bedroom at 4 am. Feelings of being a failure came up. But it is really too much for me. If i was alone with Baby, i would definitely have to get nighttime help. I would rather be a dedicated servant to Mommy and Baby all my waking hours than have to endure the nights like this. Maybe every third night i could do it...
Phew....